Dear Hiring Professional,

Thank you for your long awaited rejection to yet another job I probably would’ve hated anyways. As a recent graduate who decided to take on two majors (one in Communication, and the other in Foreign Languages) and spent countless hours in the library trying to better market myself for the job hunt, I appreciate your diligence in contacting me just to tell me “the position has been filled.”

I understand I went to a small liberal arts school in the middle of Pennsylvania.

I know I am unaware of SEO, or Google Analytics.

I realize my internship was not at a Fortune 500 company.

I accept that I don’t have the right connections. (My parent’s work with criminals-and not the white collar kind).

As you find a better candidate for this position, I will use this opportunity to thank you for not returning any of my follow up emails or phone calls. You might have noticed my optimistic charm or my determination to succeed, but unfortunately, you were preoccupied with your new employee to really get to know me. Or my philanthropic efforts. Or that I once dressed up as a mascot because someone had to. (That’s another story).

I hope you have a wonderful day as I will be hanging out on the side of the road with a sign that reads “WIll Write Press Releases for Food.”

Sincerely,

Katie